I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
