saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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