My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
