I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
