I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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