Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
