Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
