On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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