all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
