I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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