Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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