so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
