Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Terrible idea I love it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He did a backflip because drugs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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