TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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