Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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