Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
