Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
