The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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