I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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