im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
