I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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