my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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