I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
