how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
