apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
