we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
