i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
