Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize