dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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