it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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