fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
