I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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