I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize