I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
