yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
