It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
