His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
