So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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