just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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