please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
