I wanna passion pit in your ass
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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