my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
