My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
