Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
