If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
