Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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