i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
