Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
