I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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