her vagine was all disorganized.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
