Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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