Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
