just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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