the condom got lost in my hair
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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