just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
