How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
