did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
