I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
