I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
