im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
