Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
