can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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