I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
